Ever wonder if you approach relationships the right way? I heard something recently that made me think about how we approach the people in our life. A friend recently looked at me and said – “For years my relationship with my wife has been a banking relationship. I deposit time, service, gifts and affection in hopes that I would get something back. It was like a deposit and withdraw relationship.”  In other words, I’m willing to put something into this relationship if I can get something out of it. Sound familiar? He went on to tell me: “Once I simply served my wife without an expectation of anything in return – our marriage immediately improved.”

How about your relationships with your family, friends, teens, core members, your pastor or parish staff? Are they in danger of going bankrupt because it is about always making deposits and withdrawals? Here are five ways you can approach relationships and keep them focused on someone other than you:

1. Make Relationships Your Top Priority: Where we spend time is our reflective of our priorities. We need to make relationships the most important thing we spend time on and that we work on. Let’s prioritize our relationships – #1 – God!  #2 – Spouse / Family  #3 – Others. “There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.” – St. Thomas Aquinas
2. Pray For and With People: Pray for people you are in relationship with. Find out what they need prayers for. You might go right up to them and ask them, but most times listening to them will reveal the area they need your prayers the most. Also be transparent with people and ask for their prayers as well. There is nothing that strengthens your relationships with others more than praying together. “How often I failed in my duty to God, because I was not leaning on the strong pillar of prayer.” - St. Teresa of Avila
   
3. Think of the Other Person as More Important than You Are: There is an interview technique where a prospective employee is taken to lunch by the interviewer. The whole lunch is merely an opportunity to see how the job candidate treats the waiter or waitress. You see you can tell a lot about people by the way they treat others who have little way of helping them out. The same is true for how we should approach relationships with others. Serve and simply do for others regardless of what you might get in return. “Humility is to the various virtues what the chain is in a Rosary. Take away the chain and the beads are scattered; remove humility, and all virtues vanish.” - St. John Vianney
   
4. Stay in Contact: We all have those people in our lives that have somehow fallen from our immediate sphere of friends. How did that happen? Most of us reach a point when reconnecting is somewhat awkward or embarrassing. The best way to avoid this situation is to not lose contact in the beginning. Make sure that you don’t take relationships for granted – it takes time and effort to grow in your friendships with others. Schedule time each day to talk to those people you care about. If there is someone you have lost contact with, be the first to reach out.”When people share their joy in common, the happiness of each is greater because each adds fuel to the other’s flame.” – St. Augustine
5. Choose to Love: Start by treating others the way you want to be treated. Love is not a feeling it is a choice we make. Start each day determined to make a choice to love others.  This includes forgiving, not gossiping, telling the truth, affirming and telling the people you love that you love them!”You learn to speak by speaking, to study by studying, to run by running, to work by working, and just so, you learn to love by loving. All those who think to learn in any other way deceive themselves.” - St. Francis de Sales