Stuff Youth Ministers Like #25: Handheld Microphones

Growing up as a young lad in the 90s, I wanted to be a lot things when I got older: baseball player, sports broadcaster, rap star. I had high hopes for my life, and as those old dreams race through my mind, I can’t help but wonder what it would look like if I combined my love of silly costumes with my desire to be a rapper.

Seriously, could you imagine Snoop Lion (a.k.a. Snoop Dogg) squaring off in a rap battle with Figgity the Leaf? All I know is the Real Slim Shady would probably, finally stand up (and hopefully go to Confession).

Alas . . . these dreams never quite panned out because God had other plans. Emcee Easy P was never to be until he got into youth ministry (Hmmm . . . may have to add that lyric to my first jam). After all, that initial conversation with my pastor went a something like this:

“Eric, we need you to work with the teens.”

“Yeah, I’m not too sure about that.”

“We’ll send you to a training conference.”

“Okay . . .”

“We’ll pay you a salary.”

“I’m still not sure.”

“And of course you’ll also have a handheld microphone to use every night.”

“WHAT?!? I get a handheld microphone? I’m in.”

There’s just something about a handheld microphone that gives you instant credibility as a youth minister. Maybe it’s because you can have the loudest voice in the room. Maybe it’s because it allows you to have better command of your youth group. Maybe it’s because it makes you look like some sort of youth ministry gangsta even when that battery cover is held together with 2 rolls of duck tape.

Sure, they’ve come out with fancy new microphones that you can wear on your ear or your shirt, but the only way you can rock the mic like a vandal is with a handheld. And for this one-time Vanilla Ice wannabe, I think that’s pretty nice, nice baby.

Question: What’s the coolest thing you get to use as a Youth Minister? (Share below.)

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