As a Youth Minister one of the biggest parts of your job description is to teach teens the faith. Now, if the previous statement came as a shock to you . . . umm . . . well . . . you may want to chat with your Pastor. If not, then you know the pressure that comes along with this.

While many well-intentioned and “very wise” parishioners and staff members think this is easy, you know that, unfortunately, a classroom, a Catechism, and a chalkboard just don’t grab a teen’s attention like a Happy Meal, a milkshake, and a blender.

Disgusting icebreakers aside, the pressure to captivate a teenage audience is great, and nowhere is this more difficult than with a talk or teaching. It’s why we tell corny jokes, fun stories, or try to draw an analogy between the fear we get when the toilet water continues to rise and the fear we may have of evangelizing others. (And yes, I used this analogy in a talk . . . once.) Getting and keeping a teen’s attention is vital and perhaps our best strategy is when we don’t even use words at all.

Here are 3 situations when the best way to get a teen’s attention is to use one of your best tools: the dramatic pause.

1. To Drive Home a Point

   Situation: You nailed your intro about that squirrel incident. Your audience is focused, and all eyes are on you as you share about how we need to spend time in personal prayer so that we don’t go “nuts.”

   Response: All you have to do is sell your point one last time. Should you raise your voice? Should you whisper? Nope. Why even use words? Because you know that the best way to drive a home a point is to stop . . . and stare at your audience . . . saying nothing at all.

2. When You Forgot What You Were Going to Say

   Situation: You’re rolling along giving an inspirational testimony about how you came to know God when all of a sudden (maybe because you’re distracted by Timmy in the back who can’t seem to stop twitching) you forgot what you were going to say next.

   Response: The temptation can be to ramble on and on as you try to think of what you are supposed to say. But, hold on my friends; why not try the dramatic pause? Your audience will never know. While they stew in the silence pondering the depths of where you left off, you can gather yourself, reclaim your thoughts, and move on as if nothing happened.

3. For Disciplinary Purposes

   Situation: You’re delivering a profound teaching on hypostatic union that is leaving the teens hungering for more. For some reason Timmy on the back wall can’t seem to stop text messaging.

   Response: While you’d like to hope he’s sharing your talk 160 characters at a time with all his friends, you know this is highly unlikely. So, just as your mom did when you used to squeeze your little brother’s hand during the Our Father, you have no choice but to cue . . . 30-second dramatic pause with intense stare.

   Regardless of what technique you use, I think we can all agree that 1) the name Timmy has really gotten a bad rap and 2) if we want to get the message of salvation across to the teens, it’s imperative that we first get their attention.

Question: What’s your favorite way to capture a teen’s attention? (Share below)

Last summer, two of my neighbors and I planted a community garden in our neighborhood. Although I spent a lot of time on my grandfather’s farm as a child, I never realized how much time and work goes into growing a successful garden. First, you have to get the soil ready and make your rows. Then you plant your seeds. In south Louisiana, you spend lots of time watering. But the water also allows the weeds and grass to grow; which can choke out and smother your vegetable plants.

I was introduced, by a friend, to a gardening fork, which helped to keep the grass and weeds out while also aerating the soil. This tool became my best friend last summer. It helped me to cultivate our garden and allow those seeds to take root and bear fruit.

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of spending some time over coffee with an old friend. This guy has been in youth ministry since Moses parted the sea (no offense Tommy!). It was really great catching up. And of course, when you get two people together, who are actively involved in ministry, the analogies started coming.

We’ve all heard that it is our job to “plant” the seed. But honestly, many times in ministry to high school teens, the seeds are planted by the time these young get to us. We didn’t have anything to do with that. It could’ve been a parent, a teacher, church camp volunteer, a priest, or anyone. More often than not, our job as high school youth ministers and Core Members is to be that gardening fork that cultivates the soil and keeps the weeds at bay.

We may only have a small part in helping that fruit to grow – we only are guaranteed four years with them. We are only a small tool in the Hand of the Gardener. We may never see the fruit. It takes lots of work and lots of people to grow a successful community garden. But everyone and every tool plays a vital role.

So when the day comes and it seems like the weeds are over growing the garden and choking out the fruit; you’re down and discouraged, wondering why you even try. Remember, the summer is still young. It’s not your garden. But you play a vital role in growing the crop! Keep pulling those weeds and turning that dirt – because like you, those seeds get their life from the Son. It’s your job to make sure the Son can affect those young seeds.

Keep on cultivating those hearts. The seeds can’t bear fruit without you! Thank you for playing a part in the Garden of Life!

“The Harvest is plentiful, but the laborers a few.” Luke 10:2

You’ve been running around all week doing your usual youth ministry duties: school visits, buying supplies, and fixing the receptionist’s computer by reinstalling her version of Windows ’95. (Because “tech support” was written into your job description three years ago).

You’ve only got a couple hours until youth group starts and you realize you forgot to buy food. With only $20 left in your budget and the need to feed 200 teens, as a youth minister, you know there’s only one item that can save you now: Red Vines.

What is it about Red Vines that we as youth ministers love so much? For me, it isn’t just about the taste, the low cost, or the Grand Canyon-sized bucket that can store enough sugar-packed tubes of glory to feed a small village. No.

The thing I love the most is that they seem to last forever. You can grab two fistfuls, go back to that tub in 2 hours, and the same exact amount of Red Vines will still be there calling your name. They are like the David Copperfield of low-budget candy.

On top of this, for most teenagers, they never seem to go bad. It doesn’t matter how stale they get. You can serve them on a retreat, tuck them away in your youth ministry shed next to your extra cans of Shasta for 6 months, and whip them out again the next time you forget snack because you spent too much time cleaning the floors after that shaving cream incident. And what would happen? Teens would devour them like they were a tasty filet mignon, although maybe with a few more chipped teeth.

So, Red Vines . . . today, we praise the Lord for thee. While we’ve been keeping you in business since you came into being, you’ve been saving our youth ministry budgets since PEZ raised their prices.

Question: What’s your favorite snack to feed teens at Youth Group?

With Mothers Day approaching this Sunday, I can’t think of a better time to reflect on what our Mother means to us. I mean Mary, of course, the Blessed Mother.

Very recently I became relentlessly re-quoted by two friends because I kept repeating “but Mary is the new Eve” during a discussion about Mary. It just seemed like that connection could close the discussion from any angle.

How many of us think about it this way? We call Jesus the new Adam, which in itself is a very amazing concept. But do we make the connection between Mary and Eve? Let me highlight a few points in hopes it helps us see why Mary is our mother.

In chapter 19 of John’s gospel, we hear the following:

“When Jesus saw his mother and the disciple there whom he loved, he said to his mother, ‘Woman, behold, your son.’ Then he said to the disciple, ‘Behold, your mother.’ And from that hour the disciple took her into his home.”

Tradition tells us this Scripture is Jesus saying Mary is our mother, the mother of all humanity. Really? Yes. Here’s the thing, if Christ’s salvific work truly makes “all things new,” then it makes sense for us to be gifted a new mother.

Eve was our first mother. We inherit original sin because she said “yes” to Satan. But through baptism, this sin is washed away. We join a new family. And Mary is our new mother.

Eve, who said yes to eating the forbidden fruit, ushered in sin, pain, suffering, and death. Mary, who said “yes” to the angel Gabriel, was the bearer of the Fruit (Jesus – “Blessed is the Fruit of thy womb”) who brought light into the world, conquered sin and death and allows redemption, salvation, and eternal life. Our world is still a fallen one (pain and suffering exist); but light prevails. We must remain in the light and avoid the darkness. Ask mom to help.

Seeing Mary as the new Eve reveals many truths about our faith. It tells us she is the Immaculate Conception, theotokos (Mother of God) and Ark of the New Covenant (Immaculate Heart). It all makes sense if she is the new Eve because the new Eve is sinless (full of Grace) and she is the perfect mother whereas Eve failed.

Upon celebrating Mothers Day, don’t forget Mary. Send her a card (rosary), have a little talk to thank her, and ask to be wrapped in her mantle (a warm, loving embrace).

For 9 years of my life, I was blessed to be a full-time youth minister, and I absolutely loved it. There were so many highlights: Office Olympics, Mission Trips to Mexico, and watching teens lives be transformed by God’s grace, to name a few. But there was one thing that I hated more than anything. There was one thing that used to demoralize me the moment I would walk into my office: the blinking light on my voicemail.

Honestly, I hated that thing. And seriously why did it have to blink? It was as if it was taunting me:

“You know all those things you wanted to get done today? Not gonna happen.”

“I’m blinking, so you know you have messages, but you don’t know how many. Could be 1, or could be 10, but you’ll have to dial in to find out.”

“Hmmm . . . I wonder who left you a message. Maybe it’s a teen thanking you for a great Life Night. Or maybe it’s an irate parent.”

So, how did I handle this? Most of the time, I put it off. I let that light blink and blink while I got “more important” things done. And when I finally got around to listening to the messages, I still wouldn’t return that call for a day, or two, or three. I had “real” ministry to do, and every time I walked into my office, I had a list of things I needed to get done.

Returning voicemails and emails were just a big interruption, and something tells me I’m not the only youth minister who has struggled with this.

But here’s the problem. That voicemail on your phone . . . it is important. That email that you’ve put off . . . it is important. It may not be important to you, but it’s important to the other person. That’s why they called, and by not responding, you’re basically saying, “You’re not important.”

You see, returning a voicemail or an email isn’t an interruption from ministry, it’s an opportunity for real ministry. Once I changed my perspective, I came to realize that one of the best things I could do for my ministry was to be more professional. And for many of us, that starts with follow up.

So find a time each day that works for you to return messages, and put it on your schedule. Maybe it’s when you first walk into the office. Maybe it’s right after lunch. Or maybe it’s the last hour of your day. Regardless of when, by adding in a specific time period, you’ll be more professional, build more relationships, and minimize those interruptions that keep you from planning the next “Lights Out Dodge Ball Tournament.”

Question: How do you handle returning voicemails and emails? (Share below.)

“I need two volunteers!” I shout and two eager sophomores break out into a UFC match trying to get to the front of the room. When they eventually make their way to the front after crushing several rows of freshmen, I explain the challenge:

Eat a caramel apple as fast as you can.

And I produce two fresh, shiny caramel apples like some creepy witch that lives in a house made of candy. “You have 30 seconds. Go!”

I smile as teen number one bites into his caramel “apple,” immediately realizing that something is not at all right. His eyes well up in tears and he yells at me with his mouthful, “It’s an onion!” Pieces of stinky vegetable fly out, covering the freshmen bruised in the prior UFC fight. I laugh maniacally.

There is nothing better than a disgusting icebreaker. Whether it’s seeing who can eat the most pickled chicken livers or challenging a teen to eat a banana through a piece of nylon, there is something special about subjecting teens to games that were rejected by the television show “Fear Factor.”

Maybe it’s because these games immediately evoke a reaction – be it laughter or gagging – from a sometimes apathetic and lethargic group of teenagers. Maybe it’s because we are able to relate the caramel onion to the reality of sin; it may look good but it’s actually disgusting. Or maybe it’s just because after a week of parent phone calls, late permission slips, and teens texting through an entire teaching . . . a disgusting icebreaker is our way of saying, “I win.”

In all honesty, it’s out of love that we torment our teens with the occasional gross icebreaker, knowing full well that by the end of the night it will be a great story and a badge of honor for that teen to have survived the “onion switch-a-roo.”

It sure beats fifteen rounds of “Simon Says,” and besides, if a teen is going to run over a herd of helpless freshmen to volunteer for a game that they don’t even know the rules for – I would say an onion is fair game.

Question:

What is your favorite, crazy, youth group icebreaker?

Ready to make the big bucks, I shadowed around another trainer for a week. Finally, it was time for me to hit the floor and start working with clients. I motivated them as they did crunches. I drilled them as they worked their legs. I pushed them to improve their cardio.

And, then, after 3 weeks . . . I quit.

Why? While I love helping people and working out, for some reason, I just couldn’t put the two together. There was something about being a personal trainer that just didn’t work for me. Honestly, I just wasn’t able to invest my whole heart into it.

Half-Hearted Doesn’t Cut It

Training for a marathon required a lot of time, energy, and effort. It took sacrifice, and it meant getting up earlier, lots of fatigue on the weekends, and less energy to give to my family and friends. When I made the decision to run 26.2 miles, I knew it required my whole heart. You see if I was going to have less time and energy for the most important people in my life, you better believe that I needed to give every fiber of my being for every second I spent working toward this goal.

Jesus taught us many things and continues to do so today, but one of the greatest lessons I learned from Him was to live from the heart. If something is worth it to you, you need to give everything you’ve got.

Isn’t that what He did? When Jesus took up His Cross, died, and resurrected for our sins, He wasn’t just going through the motions. He gave everything. After all, this was God’s plan of salvation so that we may have eternal life (John 3:16). And, in God’s eyes, we are worth it. So, Jesus gave it all.

All of us have things we want to achieve in life and challenges that we want to overcome, but are you willing to give it your all? Are you willing to put your whole heart into them? What about the ultimate goal of heaven? Are you giving everything you’ve got, or are you just going through the motions?

All the Way

Last year, I had the blessed opportunity to interview NFL Quarterback and fellow Catholic, Philip Rivers. He said a lot of beautiful and profound things about living the faith as a professional football player, and you can read the full interview here. When I made the decision to run a marathon I recalled something important Philip said:

“My dad always said that if you’re going to do something – do it all the way. If you’re going to be a Catholic man, be it all the way. If you’re going to clean your room, clean it the right way. You know, all those little things add up and they stick with you.”

If you’re going to be Catholic, be it all the way. Those are big words. That’s more than just showing up. Being Catholic requires not just your body. It requires your mind, and even more importantly, your heart. As Colossians 3:23 says, “Whatever you do, do from the heart, as for the Lord and not for others.” So whatever it is that you do in life, whatever goals you want to reach, do it from the heart, and do it for the Lord.

When you put the two together, it can last for more than 3 weeks. In fact, it’ll last for eternity.

I have some friends who particularly notice if there are wrinkles in an altar cloth. I have always found their obsession with wrinkle free altar material a bit much, but the other day, I found myself looking at an altar and thinking—wow, that could use some ironing. In the scheme of the glory of Mass, the wrinkles are pretty insignificant.

There are a lot of small things in our Life Nights and Edge Nights that, like wrinkles, don’t particularly matter in the bigger scheme. Taking time to get the iron and smooth these things out, though, will make for a better experience for our youth. I admit, I’m not a fan of ironing, but I recognize that taking time to do it—whether for altar cloths for the small pieces of a youth night can make a big difference.

Games and Activities

It is great to get everyone up, moving, and interacting. There are a lot of great games that can make the nights more fun. The wrinkle is that sometimes we add an activity simply for the sake of activity, with no tie in to the theme or goal of the night.

One year I had a group whose energy level demanded that we do something active before they would sit for a proclaim. The challenge was to find an activity that we could directly tie to the message of the night. A Core Member from an area parish shared with me that after a youth asked about the seemingly pointless activities, the teams were making sure that they always had a relevant connection.

Explanations and Assumptions

You know how when you read something over and over that you’ve written (like an important email or letter), you miss your own typos? I am convinced it is because we know what we were supposed to write and so we just read it that way anyway. This can be the same way with different components of a youth night. Sometimes the Core Team or Youth Minister who plans a certain part might be so familiar with it that when they start to explain it to the youth, details are left out. We assume that everyone knows what’s happening or what to do because we know.

This can cause quite a wrinkle because people end up confused about what’s going on – simply because we didn’t give complete directions or explanations. Don’t assume. Don’t leave people in the dark. Give clear and complete explanations and directions to different activities.

Audio and Visual

I think we all learn this ironing technique in public speaking class, but we still forget it when we’re rushed setting up for a Life Night or Edge Night. Before the night begins – not just right before, but significantly before, check the A/V equipment and make sure it works.

When there is a delay because the video doesn’t start or that laptop doesn’t read that file type or the sound doesn’t come on at the right time, it causes a distracting wrinkle in the night. When I have checked on these things beforehand we have been able to come up with solutions. Sure, sometimes things don’t work even after you’ve done a run through prior, but don’t ask for problems by not doing the prep work.

None of things should make or break a youth night, but they certainly can take away or enhance your ability to lead teens to Christ. Maybe these three things aren’t your particular wrinkles, but take some time at your next planning meeting to talk about what yours are. Then, get out the iron and see what you can do better to make your nights go smoother.

Ok. Admit it. You’ve used it. You know you have, but perhaps you don’t know to what extent. Perhaps you don’t realize that it’s the one word you use to describe every youth ministry activity that you’ve planned. For some reason, the word “awesome” is always on the tip of your tongue.

At some point (probably in conjunction with “that one song”) it infiltrated the world of youth ministry and to this point, it has never left. “Rad” couldn’t survive. “Dope” just got too confusing. And you couldn’t describe everything as being “all that and a bag of chips.” (Especially if your budget only allows for a bag of chips). So, “awesome” has been the “Chosen Word” and it’s time to admit that we have a problem.

Let me be the first.

My name is Eric Porteous, and I use the word “awesome” a lot. As a youth minister it seemed as if every time I stood up to make an announcement at Mass or at youth group, I used the word “awesome.” Deep down in my heart I felt like there just wasn’t any other word that would satisfy. It got so bad that teens started keeping a count and reporting back to me how many times I said it in a given night; but it started innocently enough.

The first time sounded something like this:

“Hey teens. We have a retreat coming up in a month, and it’s gonna be awesome.”

And then it progressed:

“We’ve got an awesome retreat in a couple weeks, and we’re gonna have an awesome time. We hope you can make it.”

But, much like any addiction, it eventually got out of control:

“Tonight is going to be awesome! We’ve got an awesome guest speaker, and we’re going to have some awesome food. Plus, don’t forget about the awesome Mission Trip we have coming up this summer. It’s going to be . . . well . . . awesome.”

So, I admit it. I have a problem. I am an awesome-aholic, and honestly, I’m ok with that. I don’t need a 12-step program. I just want teens to know that any Youth Ministry event they come to will be . . . cooler than the other side of the pillow.

Question: What’s your favorite word to use when describing a Youth Ministry event?

Whenever I think of communication, I think of the 1945 Abbot and Costello baseball comedy sketch “Who’s on First.” It is one of the most perfectly timed, hilarious, comedy sketches ever performed (and if you have never seen it Google it). In the sketch Costello asks Abbot to give him the starting line up for his baseball team. Let’s just say the player’s last names are unique which causes confusion and eventual frustration. The sketch ends with Costello being infuriated because he doesn’t understand what Abbot is telling him, shouting, “I throw the ball to whom. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don’t Know. I Don’t Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don’t know! He’s on third and I don’t give a darn!”

Communication (or the lack of it) can often leave us frustrated like Abbot and Costello. We need to accept that the days of face-to-face communication are limited (unless you are using iChat or Skype). People are busier than ever juggling career, family, activities, volunteer commitments, school, faith, and personal lives. The tools we use to communicate make as much of an impact as the message we are sending. If we think one form of communication is all we need, we are wrong!

In this blog we will explore various aspects of communication. “Who’s on First” will address what is important to each generation and what they value as it pertains to communication. “What’s on Second” will allow us to explore the tools and styles of communication each generation prefer. Finally, we will do our best to avoid the answer “I don’t know,” which is given all too often when our communication efforts have failed to reach the people we need to reach. So, if you’re ready, let’s play ball!

Who’s on First (Generational Values)

• Veterans value formal, organized structures. Known as the “silent generation,” you should not expect them to share thoughts immediately. Trust is earned through time and hard work and face-to-face or written communication is preferred. Warning – Don’t waste their time.
• Baby Boomers value hard work especially through teamwork and inclusiveness. They speak volumes through body language and prefer face-to-face interactions. Change is also something they embrace more than most generations.
• Generation X values information and loves plenty of it. They enjoy receiving feedback and will use that feedback to adapt to new situations. They value creativity and prefer to solve their own problems verses be micro-managed.
• Generation Y values positive reinforcement and are generally optimistic. Diversity has been a part of their everyday life and media exposure. Technology is valued and used so they can multi-task with the best of them.

What’s on Second (Preferred Forms of Communication)

• Veterans prefer face-to-face communication over written. They are usually not technology savvy so avoid Facebook and email to communicate with them. Provide written materials for them to work with verses PDF emailed files.
• Baby Boomers prefer face-to-face communication where they can see your body language. Speak in an open, direct style but avoid being controlling. Details are important, so avoid being vague and think about questions your Core might need answered to avoid frustration with a lack of information.
• Generation X use email as a primary way of communication. To keep their attention, talk in small sound bites (less is more) and ask for and provide feedback consistently. Informal communication is preferred over formal.
• Generation Y responds well to email, text, Facebook and twitter communication (however when something new comes along, they will more than likely adapt to that as well). Challenge them, use positive feedback, encourage and use humor but avoid talking down to them.

For all generations, phone calls are the weakest form of overall communication, but are great when you need to talk directly to one individual or set up an appointment to meet face-to-face.

I Don’t Know (Avoiding Confusion)

Too often we hear Core Members saying, “I don’t know?” when asked what is going on or what they are supposed to be doing. Most of the time this is due to a failure to communicate and delegate tasks. Everyone involved in your ministry should at any given moment of a night be able to communicate what is going on and know who is assigned to what tasks and what is coming up next. All Core Members should feel confident with all aspects of the ministry to be able to share their excitement with parents and teens of the parish throughout the week. Clear communication is necessary and the answer “I don’t know” is simply unacceptable.

However, it is important to strike a good balance when it comes to communication with your Core Team. Over communication can cause confusion if done poorly and by poorly I mean eight separate emails, texts or phone calls that are long winded or simply fail to communicate what you NEED to communicate.

Some simple facts to remember when communicating with Core is to:

• Keep it simple and concrete
• Cover the information that everyone needs to know
• When you have specific information for one or more Core Member, communicate with that individual or group separately
• Be clear with the task you are asking them to complete (include deadlines, expectations, and necessary tools needed to accomplish the task such as Life Night PDF files)
• Use one universal form of communication that is most effective for the entire Core Team
• To ensure that everyone has been reached, provide a specific secondary form of communication for Core based on generational or a known personal preference

It is encouraged to have some form of consistent communication with your Core on a weekly basis. For example, send out an email weekly the day following your Life Night with the following information:

• A brief evaluation and affirmation of previous night
• The upcoming weeks outline or PDF file
• Reminders of additional meetings or events
• Upcoming relational ministry opportunities
• Teen and Core Birthday announcements

Setting up notification alerts in your email folder that allows you to know when your email has been opened will ensure that your entire Core Team has received the information they need to be successful in reaching the teens.

The key is to communicate consistently and know that not everyone communicates the same. Try some new things and ask your Core what form of communication they respond quickest to and adapt your style of leadership to remain effective. This will go a long way in keeping your focus on leading teens closer to Christ verses unnecessary confusion and frustration.